Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think I am morally bankrupt
barbara walters just said penis...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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