I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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