the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
