Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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