If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
