I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
