We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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