i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
