Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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