Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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