Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
