Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
