Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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