He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
