roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
