tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
