There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
