I hate all girls vehemently.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
