it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
