I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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