Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
