he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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