please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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