How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
