I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
