I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
