I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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