Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
