You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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