Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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