I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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