am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
