i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
