I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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