I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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