i just wanna soil my oats bro
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
