i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
