fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
