sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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