8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
