Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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