She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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