How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
