Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
