what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
bring money and cleavage
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
