Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
