in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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