Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
