I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
