this beer tastes like vomit already
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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